2018 – Time To Find Your No!
You’ve most likely seen the film ‘Yes Man’ right? The one where Jim Carey decides to say Yes to everything in an attempt to move beyond the confines of his own self-inflicted routine. It’s a celebration of what it is to say YES when opportunity presents itself, with often surprising and hilarious effects.
Sadly ‘No’ often connotes a very different image, one associated with negativity and distance from others. As we enter 2018 however, I urge you to embrace the power of NO. Shake off the illusion that NO is an adverse word and realise the real power in those two little letters.
In 2018, let No be your empowering companion, your moment of clear choice and your decision to give priority to yourself and your goals. It’s not easy. Most of us struggle to say No. It comes from a misjudged duty to others and an undercurrent of neglect of the self. For example, we all know that friend who wants to sit over coffee talking about their miserable lives without taking any responsibility for their own happiness. You go along and have the same old conversations even though there is probably a hundred others things you would rather be doing. You do it as it’s your friend and you believe your friend needs you. What if you said No? Should you feel bad? Absolutely not! Saying No is simply choosing your own needs in that moment. Are you not as important as your friend?
Saying No is an acknowledgement of personal responsibility, not a reflection of the love/care/relationships that we share with others. Saying No does not mean you don’t care, it means you also care about and value yourself. You are worth it.
Be respectful of your personal boundaries and do not allow people to make unfair and unnecessary demands on your time and being. Assert a strong and calm No.
Say No to the things that distract you from your personal goals and achievements.
Be true to your values and principles. If you are asked to do something that conflicts with these, say NO.
Say No to abusive relationships. Draw a line in the sand and move on. You are worth more than that.
It will take time. Saying No is something most of us struggle with. If it feels like a difficult hurdle to cross, perhaps try softening this with other phrases such as ‘I can’t answer that right now’ or ‘Thank you but I’d prefer not to on this occasion’. This can set you off on the path of saying No but stay aware that No is in fact a complete sentence. It does not require justification or apology, in fact those things stem from our inability to be direct and empowered within our No.
If particular situations spring to mind where you know you will struggle, practice and visualise! Look in the mirror and practice saying No to your demanding boss or needy friend. Visualise yourself calmly and without guilt choosing you and your needs/goals. The new 2018 you will thank you for it! It’s time to find your no.
Wishing you a bright and prosperous new year!
